Rangoli Competition (Boyz vs Galz)
Rangoli by Girls
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Rangoli by Boys
Man~Woman combos
Smart man + Smart woman = Relationship
Smart man + Dumb woman = Affair
Dumb man + Smart Woman = Marriage
Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy
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Smart boss + Smart employee = Profit
Smart boss + Dumb employee = Production
Dumb boss + Smart employee = Promotion
Dumb boss + Dumb employee = Overtime
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A successful man is one who succeeds in controlling his basic instincts. A successful woman is one who is smart enough to find such a man
A man pays $10 for an item that costs $5 that he needs
A woman pays $5 for an item that costs $10 that she doesnt need
A woman marries a man thinking he will change, but he doesnt …A man marries a woman thinking she wont change, but she does…and boy to what an extent !!! lol
Award Winning Email
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
“Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!”
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school, t
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 01P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 09 P.M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
“Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!”
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
“My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You’ll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.”
Pros & Cons Of Being A Man
Pros of being a man
1. Men can urinate anywhere they like.
2. Men’s bodies don’t give them weird mood swings.
3. Men generally get more social respect, and people often think them to be more intelligent than they really are.
4. Uncomplicated friendships.
Cons of being a man
1. Facial hair and its constant upkeep.
2. Expected to be manly. Those who are not spend their lives apologising for it.
3. Getting “man flu”.
4. Not allowed to enjoy romantic comedies.
5. Men are expected to make the first move on dates, propose to their partners, make all the big decisions.
6. Not as socially accepted to get plastic surgery so often stuck with the hand you’ve been dealt.
7. Lower pain thresholds.
Pros & Cons Of Being A Woman
Pros of being a woman
1. Better legs.
2. After divorce, we hold up better.
3. Women can get away with crying.
4. Much more interesting clothing and accessory options.
5. Women can multi-task.
6. Higher pain thresholds.
Cons of being a woman
1. Getting paid 20 per cent less than men on average to do the same job.
2. Expectation that they’ll be manicured, primped and preened to a high degree at all times.
3. Big Mouth.
4. Never Ending List.
5. When men gossip it’s “networking”, when women talk it’s “bitching”.
6. Pressure to have children thanks to a ticking biological clock.
Modern Banking explained
A.) Bankers take more money from People and return less
B.) Bankers take even more money from People and return even less
C.) Bankers take HUGE amount of money from People and return nothing
The above steps are further explained below:
1.) There are two types of people in the world – The Bankers and The People
2.) The Bankers are smart, The People are stupid
3.) People earn money by getting paid for hard work or selling something they have (businesses).
4.) Bankers earn money by taking more money from people and giving them back less money, they call this ‘interest’
(People keep their money in the bank on 2-3% interest, People take loans from the bank on 14-16% interest)
5.) Once the Bankers have a steady stream of money from the People as given in ‘4′, they get bored and they decide to fool the people some more
6.) The Bankers now come up with ‘financial products’ so that the People will give them more money thinking that they’ll make more money (high return, more interest)
7.) The Bankers now give this money to people who’ll not be able to pay back the high return, more interest
8.) The Bankers declare a “financial crisis” keeping all the focus on the people who didn’t pay back the high interest (which was always unrealistic)
9.) The Bankers then take more money from the People (Bailouts) to compensate for the defaulted loans
10.) The Bankers don’t have to repay this money to the people whom it was taken from because they have been told that their ‘financial products’ are now bust.
Recession Updates
1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off.
2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate.
3. Iron man now “air-pooling” with Superman to save fuel costs.
4. Now for some good news, Women finally marrying for love, and not money!
5. Q:) With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A:) Start off with a large one.
6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $50 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now America’s third biggest lender.
7. Q:) Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
A:) Because otherwise they’d have nothing to do in the afternoon.
8. Q:) What’s the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A:) In a few weeks, nothing.
9. Dow Jones is re-branded as “Down Jones”.
REACTIONS TO THE STOCK MARKET CRASH
THE STOCK market rollercoaster has left many people dazed and confused, if not broke. Hindustan Times decided to ask some of the finest minds around about what they thought of the crash, boom, bang on the BSE.
MANEKA GANDHI: What did you expect! I have it from reliable sources that those stupid brokers had been running a bull market, alternating it with a bear market. Disgusting! Serves them right.
BAL THACKERAY: It’s providence. The government should have renamed the BSE the Chhatrapati Shivaji Stock Exchange. Fits in nicely in the area too, since it’s pretty close to the Chhatrapati Shivaji Vaastu Sangrahalaya [the museum, in case you didn't know] and the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus.
MALIKA SHERAWAT: It’s the Sen-sex, after all. So it goes up and down, up and down, up and down…
ARJUN SINGH: The HRD Ministry is proposing a 27 per cent reservation on the 30-share index for penny stocks, since they may be considered backward. The current ‘correction’ is nothing but a manifestation of years of neglect of such shares.
EKTA KAPOOR: Rename it Ksensex.
SHAYAN MUNSHI: I saw nothing, I heard nothing, I don’t even speak Hindi.
ESHA DEOL: Sen? Sex? Isn’t that the story of my latest movie, Ankahee?
SALMAN KHAN: Let’s just shoot those damn bears!
LALU PRASAD YADAV: Kya bole? Bull bhaag gaye? Arre, hamaare paas bahut hai, ek do le jaaon. As it is, Nitish Kumar has taken over our bungalow and we have nowhere to keep them.
MANMOHAN SINGH: We’re introducing a bill making it illegal for the Sensex to fall below the 10,500-point mark. Brokerages are, after all, offices of profit.
BILL CLINTON: Sen-sex? I did not have sex-ual relations with that woman, Miss Sen.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Let’s bomb the BSE!
